Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
