dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
