the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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