There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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