He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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