I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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