Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I need to align my fucking chakras
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
