I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
