the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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