all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
