An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
