This girl is more easily done than said...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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