I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
