how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
home. puking in laundry basket.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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