for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
