He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
