I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
