I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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