At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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