turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
