ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
