I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
