I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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