omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
