whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
