my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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