I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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