Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
