she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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