Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize