i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
