Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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