Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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