Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize