sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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