Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No I am not eating basil off your cock
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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