At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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