literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
