do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize