How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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