I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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