Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
