i think my tv is drunk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
