I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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