i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Please don't give away my fajitas
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
