Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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