Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
