they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
