So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
