well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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