I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
