Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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