this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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