You really coming over, don't trick.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
