My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
