Umm I'm too high to move.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
