a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
