did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
