Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
