i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
