is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
