the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize