She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
