Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm getting married
To pizza
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
