At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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