Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He did a backflip because drugs
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
