we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
