Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
