I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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