I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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