STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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